Do you want to have great dates? We have one quick tool to turn every date, even with your spouse, into a positive experience. Becoming a savvy dater and partner takes time and a tool box full of skills, but sometimes just one quick tip can start to change up your whole experience right away. We’re going to share our favorite tip that’s so easy anyone can put it into action today.
Potential Great Dates that Go Wrong When They Could Have Been Great
Picture this: you’ve been looking forward to a date with a new guy you met online all week. You can’t wait to see how much you have in common and if he’s really as great of a catch in person as he is on paper. In person you’re delighted to find he’s as cute as he was in his photos.
The excitement and expectations build, but then he can’t stop bragging and talking about himself. You keep trying to connect and find things in common with him but he cuts you off. The conversation gets awkward. It doesn’t feel like he wants to know anything about you.
The date ends without another date planned and you feel disappointed. You go home and start looking at your other options on line, but it is getting tiring. Will you ever find your match?
You ask yourself: “Why was he bragging instead of getting to know me?”
What if: you and your wife are out to a nice dinner. It has been a while since you stepped away and went on a date. You’re so relieved to have her all to yourself and away from the house and kids for a few hours. She’s so beautiful and sexy; you could just eat up her energy from across the table.
And then, she starts talking and telling you story after story about things that don’t make much sense. There’s no point to the story and every time you try to find the point or help her with the obvious problem she just gets upset. You’re quick to back down because when she’s upset there’s no getting lucky with her at the end of the night. Why did we just spend $100 for dinner out to just end up in the doghouse again?
You ask yourself: “Why would she spend our romantic time alone talking about things that don’t matter?”
There is a good reason why men and women talk to you the way they do. You have the power to have a great date by making one small and easy shift.
How you listen is the key to win in dating and mating!
The Great Dates Tool that Even Works with Spouses:
Become a listener instead of a talker on dates. It doesn’t mean you don’t talk at all but just shift your primary goal from talking to listening. Listen to a man or woman how they desire to be listened to. The end result could be another date or a really nice end to an evening because they experienced more attraction and or connection.
Listen to a Man:
- Give a man up to 30 uninterrupted seconds to answer a question.
- Give him time to pause between thoughts up to 30 uninterrupted seconds.
- Wait for him to finish talking before commenting on anything he has said.
- He will usually signal you that he is done talking by changing topics, asking you a question or simply saying “and that’s what I have to say about that”.
- Do not listen to whether or not you agree or disagree with him; listen to understand who he is as a man and what is important to him. Why does he have the opinion that he has versus do you agree with his opinion.
- If he shares a lot with you, he is sharing who he is and that is not something he shares with just anyone.
- Men share their achievements when they want to impress you. Bragging on a date usually means he wants you to be attracted to him.
Listen to a Woman:
- Listen like she’s just sharing her stories and experiences and observations because she wants to connect with you.
- Listen to understand that she remembers a lot of details and will need to empty her data basket so she can collect more stories, experiences and observations in the future. This makes space for her to listen and be with you.
- Do not listen for a point or a problem, there may not be one.
- If you have an idea or a solution to an apparent problem, ask her if she would like for you to share it and only share it if she wants you to.
- You can ask her at the end of what she says if she wants you to remember or do anything about what she just shared.
- Women are happy when they can just share their thoughts. You are helping her by simply listening.
- Even if she is upset, just allow her to process out loud which is often the solution to the problem.
You can’t control how someone else is being but you can respond to them differently. We’ve found that when we make our primary focus on a date to listen then our date or mate shifts how they are talking and connecting with us.
Want more simple and easy to use dating and relationship tips like this? Join our tribe of men and women who are becoming empowered to get, have and keep great relationships.
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We’d love to hear your dating stories and how you used this tool to get the results you’re looking for. Leave us a comment below.