How Can I Find Someone Online? Overcome this Challenge.

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We can show you what the challenge with the question of how can I  find someone online is and how to eliminate it.  Before you can get to sexy, thrilling dates, being wanted or butterflies in the stomach, you have to actually meet people who you might be a potential match with.   How do you find that person in a sea of bad profiles and losers? Eliminate this habit most people have in finding someone online and increase your chances of finding that special someone.

So what is it?  Keep reading to find out.


The Sneaky Little Habit That is Sabotaging You Finding Someone Online:


Have you ever been in a situation where someone just did not take the time to get to know you?  They might have passed judgment on you or just ignored you almost as if you are not a real person, just an object that is easily ignored?

So what is the number one challenge with internet dating?

Objectification!

Objectify:  to treat (someone) as an object rather than as a person (Merriam – Webster Dictionary)

If you read our about page, you might have noticed that Shelley used to be what some people would refer to as a serial dater.  Passing on a lot of online options and/or only going on a first date with them because they did not meet her ideal of what her perfect mate should be.  He had to be taller than her, as educated as her, well traveled, have similar political views, certain hair and/or eye color, have a great relationship with his mother, etc.  The list goes on.

The problem was that Shelley was not allowing people to unfold and show her that they might have the potential to be the right person for her.   She shifted from a laundry list of requirements, a lot of which had to do with looks and status, to looking at their core values.  Who are they as a person and do they have the potential to be a good partner?

She did not change the habit of objectification over night, but as time passed, she began to give people the chance to unfold and reveal their true selves.  Only then could she make an informed judgment on whether or not they were a match.

If We Don’t Like Being Objectified then We Shouldn’t Do It Others.

How many times have you passed up on online profiles of people because they may not have the picture taking thing down or maybe they don’t know how to show the world just how wonderful they are?  What if behind that goofy pose or lame description could be a really good guy or lovely woman?  Shelley discovered that there are some great guys out there with horrible online dating profiles.

We have become numb to the images of people in front us forgetting that they have a beating heart and experience love and rejection in the same way.  None of us want to be just a number, we want to be seen.  When someone can see you for who you really are and give you a chance to relax and open up, that is a gift.

Judging too quickly by hitting the next button or ignoring an email from someone with a terrible profile and you could be missing out on that special someone you have been waiting for. Learn how to allow someone to unfold and share with you who they really are which greatly improves your chances of meeting someone special.


How Can I Find Someone Online: Three Steps to Improve Your Chances


  1. Resist the temptation to just hit next button based on their photos, hair color, height or a bad profile.  We know you have to have a level of attraction toward someone, this is okay.  But…don’t blow someone off because they have a bathroom picture selfie.  Sure we think this is a bad picture, but most men will not ask someone to take a picture.  A bathroom selfie does not make someone a bad match for you.
  2.  Accept your dating pool.  If they are contacting you or responding to you, they are interested in you.  This is your dating pool.  Not all the pictures that float by of matches are people that would be interested in you.  For both men and women, your dating pool is the people that are responding to you.
  3. Start or respond to a conversation with them.  Engage and find out more before decide, The Power of the Pause might lead to meeting your match!  If there is something that you would normally run away from, create safety for them to share with you asking them about this particular thing.  You can start off by saying something like “Just curious, I am fascinated that everyone has a different viewpoint and would love to know what led to those viewpoints.  Would you share with me why you believe the way you believe?”  Or are they just not “your type” (for more on this check out our post on Who Should I Date), try giving them a chance and see if they grow on you.

Both Shelley and Claudette found their relationships with people that they normally would have just passed on.  Objectification causes us to react to another person in a way that does not honor who they are, even if our opinions or lives are different.

If we are open to different possibilities allowing the person to reveal who they truly are, we can then judge if we are a match or not and if there is a future for partnership.  If we stop objectifying, we open up the possibility for the relationships that we have always longed for.

Stopping Objectification in Your Daily Life Changes Every Outcome for the Better

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Have a friend who is being objectified or objectifies all their potential matches?  Share this article by asking what they think or feel about it and help them out.

How do you stop objectification when interacting with others?  Share with us your thoughts and comments.