Do you want to know how to heal your broken heart and finally get that loving relationship that you deserve? We call it a broken heart for a reason. When we break up with someone we love it can hurt like nothing else and feel like we’re so broken that we will never be whole again. We've got a solution that you can put into action today to get back to being happy, open hearted and ready for the relationship that you deserve.
Why You Have to Heal Your Broken Heart to Get the Relationship You Deserve
We've both had our share of broken hearts and hearts that we've broken in our lives. This is something we can all relate to. It doesn't feel good and when we’re in it, we just want it to be over and fast.
How many times have you tried to start dating again after a break up and found yourself thinking more about your ex on the date than the potentially great match across the table from you? You might have even recognized that the person on a date with you was potentially a much better match for you than your ex. Yet, you just couldn't stop missing your ex or being reminded of how hurt you still are that your ex mistreated you. Some of you might have even found yourself talking about your ex and your break up and before you know it the person you’re on a date with was consoling you.
Don’t beat yourself up. Until you know how to heal your broken heart, it’s very challenging to get out there and find the relationship that you deserve. We’re hard wired in our biology to stay bonded to people we were once in love with. It’s why people get back together with their exes who they know are not good for them.
Often it could even be the broken dream of what we thought the relationship would be that we are mourning.
The formula we’re sharing with you below is the same formula that Shelley applied in her life to get over a heart break that she worried she’d never get over many years ago. It worked like magic and we want you to have this formula in your toolbox.
Choose your future over your past to heal a broken heart!
The Formula for How to Heal Your Broken Heart
- Remove Them If Possible: Remove them from your life. This means no contact, no items around your apartment or house that remind you of them, no photos, un-friend them on social media, etc. Gather any items that remind you of that person and give them away, hide them somewhere you’ll forget about or sell them. If you’re going through a divorce or have shared custody of kids, this can be challenging. Reduce engagement when possible and be polite and respectful in communication. Set boundaries about what works for you and is respectful of your ex and your kids at the same time.
- No Name or Story: Stop using their name. Promise to stop telling the story of your relationship and how it ended. When you use their name and tell the story they are still in your world and you are reliving the experience over again instead of healing and moving forward. Try giving them a nickname that has no energy behind it, you’ll find that it can make this process easier. Enlist your friends help and ask them to gently remind you of your promise to yourself if you accidentally slip up. If you share custody of kids, choose a respectful way to refer to your ex that honors your kids.
- Fall In Love with a New Passion: Many people fall into the trap of falling in love with someone new instead of healing their broken heart first. This is dangerous because your can make bad choices in partners when your heart is broken. Instead of a new person, try falling in love with a new passion like a new hobby, a new sport, a new language or a new career.
- Fall in Love with Yourself: How would you treat someone you love as much as you should love yourself? Treat yourself that way. If you can't visualize that, then choose someone in your life who just loves you for you and loves you to the moon. Here are some ideas: mom, dad, best friend, sister, son or your daughter? How would they want you to be treated, talked to, talked about or cherished? Start using that language and energy towards yourself. When you love yourself, you are more attractive to new potential matches and you are less likely to let someone mistreat you in the future.
- Give It Time:It will likely take six months with no contact before you heal your heart. It turns out that healing a broken heart can be like getting over any addiction. Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University, and colleagues discovered through MRI studies that the part of the brain associated with addiction to drugs can be activated through love and heartbreak.  Like any addiction, the longer you go without exposure the better it gets. You might find that after 6-12 months you've healed your heart enough that you can talk about your past without revisiting the pain.
As you think about your future and opening up to love and to be loved again, you probably want to know how to prevent a broken heart from happening to you ever again. Knowing who you are, having great tools and understanding what you need in dating and in a relationship are ways for you to increase your chances of falling in love with the right person in the future.
One side note: Are you the one on the date who realized that the person across the table from you is not over their broken heart? If you recognize that you might be a good match, you can be their friend for now and continue to get to know them until they are actually ready to date.
Here are some resources to support you as you prepare yourself for the future:
- How Attraction Works – Who Should You Be Dating
- Power of the Pause Dating Technique
- Boundaries in a Relationship
Please share this article with your friends. We’ve all seen someone we love who just couldn’t move forward after a broken heart. This formula can work and support from friends is important.
Please leave us a comment below about how you’re going to take action today to heal your broken heart or support a friend who needs to heal their broken heart. Let’s support each other!
 Reward, Addiction, and Emotion Regulation Systems Associated With Rejection in Love Helen E. Fisher, Lucy L. Brown, Arthur Aron, Greg Strong, and Debra Mashek (May 2010)
Journal of Neurophysiology 104: 51-60, 2010