Do you have that feeling that when you speak that “no one listens to me?” After this happens, our self-esteem can take a hit. We have heard many of our customers and our tribe state that no one listens to them or understands the point that they are trying to make. This causes tension for everyone in the conversation. One person will keep talking trying to make their point which repels the other person away. Have you ever had someone try to force their opinion on you? It is like they are trying to shove it down your throat and only causes you to defend yourself. This usually never ends well.
Learn How to Get Anyone to Listen to You Without Having to Shove Your Thoughts Down their Throat.
Claudette’s mom used to repeat herself all of the time. While Claudette loves her mom, she got tired of hearing the same thing over and over. For most of her life, she did not deal with her mom in a very mature way. As a teenager, Claudette would scream back at her mom and tell her to stop trying to control her. Only after many years did Claudette start to ask her mom why she repeated things so often? Her mother told her that as a child, she did not think anyone listened to her or understood what she was trying to say.
Her mom felt compelled to keep explaining something over and over which created more problems. People began to judge her for repeating herself so often. Others were just annoyed by the repetition and ignored her which only re-enforced her need to repeat. Claudette sat down with her mom one day to ask her what she needed from her to stop feeling like she needed to repeat herself when they were talking.
Her mother thought about it for a few minutes and then asked for two simple things: undivided attention and acknowledgement that Claudette had heard what she was saying. This was easy to provide for her mother and has made their communication so much stronger. Her mother doesn’t repeat as much and if she starts to do so, Claudette gently reminds her of what was said and that she heard her and understands.
10 Easy Tips to Go from No One Listens to Me to I Can Speak to Anyone and be Heard:
Let’s turn this around with 10 easy tips. Instead of thinking “no one listens to me”; move to creating agreements with the other person to get what you need and possibly provide what they need. This puts you in a position of power instead of weakness. The following tips can be used in a professional and personal situation. Learn them and apply them to every area in your life.
- Stop the cycle of repeating: If you are in the habit of repeating all of the time, the natural response from a lot of people will be to ignore you. Your words carry more power when you say what you have to say and then you’re done. If you are not sure that you have said something before you can always say: “hey have I told you the story about…?” If you have already told them, no need to repeat it.
- Get their attention first: Many times we will just start talking and expect the other person to shift their focus immediately and listen to us. This results in frustration on both sides. The perception is that they did not listen when the reality is that they did not have the chance to shift their focus and listen. Ask the other person if they have a moment to talk. Always speak from a neutral position telling them not to worry, there isn’t anything wrong, you just would like to talk. This gives the space for the other person to listen to you instead of being on the defense.
- Don’t be emotionally charged: If we carry the general belief that no one listens to us, this puts us in a defensive position with other people immediately. This creates tension in the conversation and others can pick up on it.
- Ask for what you need: To ask for what we need we:
- Appreciate the person first : “Hey, I think you do a great job on our team and really appreciate your help in getting things done."
- Ask for what you need: “The next time we have a meeting, could you send out the reminder within 30 minutes so that everyone has a chance to stop what they are doing and remember that we had a meeting scheduled."
- Ask if they can provide this for you: If they say no, ask why and don’t get upset. Look for a solution and stay in your power. You can ask if they need something from you in order to provide it.
- Don’t assume listening and getting what you want are the same things: You can speak and be heard, but that does not mean that what you have said will be acted on. We all have freedom of choice and our own will. No one likes to be controlled or told what to do. Asking is a better method.
- There isn’t always one right way, there may be many: So many people are hung up on being right or having things done their way. There is more than one way to accomplish something. Be open to hearing what others have to say even if you don’t agree with them. The end result is what matters.
- Stop the pity parties: Pity parties involve usually one person, you. They don’t lift you up or build your power, they drain it. Instead of throwing a pity party, think of a solution.
- What men and women expect: Men and women can expect different things when speaking and become disappointed when they do not get what they expected.
- Women: Don’t expect that someone will immediately do what you are saying. Many women will become insulted when you don’t do what they suggested and assume it is because you didn’t listen to them. Women naturally want what they are saying to be acted out, but this doesn’t work well on a consistent basis. Ask for what you need when you have their attention.
- Men: Men are attached to their opinions because they have taken time and research to form their opinion. Their identity is wrapped up in their thoughts and opinions, but this can cause conflict. A man will share his opinion with a woman and if she does not act on it, he feels like he wasted his time and energy sharing it. He also doesn’t think she listened to him. Men, just because you share an opinion it does not mean people will adopt, agree or accept your opinion.
- Ask for what you need: Asking for what we need when we have someone’s attention ensures that we are being listened to and that the other person can participate in the conversion. Asking for what you need allows you to stay in your power and come to a resolution of a possible problem.
- Create agreements: The next step is to talk about an agreement that works for each of you. In an agreement, both people may have to concede to meet somewhere in the middle. Good relationships whether business or personal require compromise and accountability to the agreement that was reached.
These 10 steps can empower you to go from feeling like “No one listens to me” to I can speak to anyone and be heard. It’s in your hands to set the parameters of how your conversation goes with anyone. Try it out and let us know how it goes!
We’d love to hear how it goes trying out these tips, leave us a comment below.
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