The number one secret to finding that special someone that is a perfect match for you is to understand attraction and how it compels us all to date the wrong people.
Have you ever liked someone that you know you shouldn't? Human nature will drive us to do the craziest things, but don’t worry! We have the answer.
We found the formula to save you from spending your time; energy and resources on someone that is just not your match.
Want to date someone that you are not only attracted to, but that you are compelled to spend time with because you can just be yourself and know that they accept you?
Understand the two types of attraction and know how to choose the right people to date.
We were meeting one of our clients at our favorite coffee shop when all of a sudden from the corner of our eye we saw him walking in.
Just moments before we were focused and prepared to order and meet with our client. But…as if we were catapulted back into junior high, we started saying: oh my God, do you see him and playfully pushing each other all the while claiming that he was definitely our type of guy.
It didn't matter that both of us were in committed and loving relationships, sexual attraction had hit us right upside our heads. Can you relate?
1. Otherwise known as “Chemistry or Sexual Attraction”
2.No language needed. You take one look at her and know immediately you would like to have sex with her. He walks into the room and your knees go weak and you lose your train of thought. Think of humans thousands of years ago…those same survival instincts are alive and well in all of us today. We could view someone from across a field and without language determine that they would work for us. Your instincts tell you to use this to sort to answer the question "who should I date?"
3.Women tend to be attracted to men who are taller than average, stronger than average, have more resources than other men. Crazy...right? That eliminates most of the world?
4.Men tend to be attracted to women who have curves, shiny hair, are very comfortable in their bodies and who are sending signals that they are affectionate and open. Wait...do men really only like a woman that looks like Barbie? What about the real women?
5. Do you find yourself in hot pursuit and not acting like yourself? This is usually a sign that you are so chemically attracted to this person and can’t think straight at the moment. If we are not thinking straight, we might end up dating the wrong person.
6.Women might say "I have to get him."They tend to turn themselves into the woman they think he wants and will do anything to avoid displeasing him. Some men may interpret this behavior as crazy or coming on too strong.
7.Men might spend money they don’t have, exaggerate their status (jobs, accomplishments, etc) and even break the honor code with other men just to “Take” her. Some women may interpret this behavior as creepy or a turn off.
8.Chemical attraction is important;there is no denying that. But ask yourself: are you deciding you are attracted to someone before words are exchanged? Do you really know anything about that person yet?
When we were introduced to "Mr. Cutie Pie", as we call him, neither of us would have considered him our type of guy.
We simply did not pay attention to him in that way. What he was sharing with us about business sparked our interest. As we began to get to know him, he grew on us. He was so confident and generous that he became sexy right in front of our eyes.
Now we consider him so cute and interesting that we both could see ourselves across the table from him on a dinner date if we were single.
1. Time – Connection attraction qualities can only be discovered after you take a little time to get to know someone. For example: you don’t know if someone is supportive and generous by just reading an online profile or spotting them in a crowded bar. It takes a little time to get to know them to discover if they have these qualities or not.
2. Men tend to experience connection attraction with women who are self confident, authentic, passionate and receptive (to who he is as a man and what they want to provide for her). He might say – “I care about her” and ladies don’t discount when a man says he cares about you. This is a big deal!
3. Women tend to be attracted to men that they share things in common with, that is interested in her and who she is, that makes her laugh, he is respectful, appreciative, affectionate and he is receptive to what she wants to provide. She might say – “We have such a great connection”
4.Connection Attraction - is how you feel about close friends and family.
5. Happy - This is the type of attraction that makes you feel happy when you’re around this person.
6. For women - this type of attraction inspires you to be your best self, set boundaries, share who you are and what you really like and express what you really need. Men love women to know what they want.
7. For men – connection attraction can inspire you to protect, provide, spend time (make time) with someone, contribute, want to make someone happy and even make you want to be a better man. He might even say she’s charming or he’s enchanted by her.
Can you see how chemical attraction alone could produce hot steamy nights and a whirlwind love affair with someone and then one day you wake up realizing that you don’t even like that person?
Connection attraction with zero chemical attraction causes you to care for someone deeply as a friend, but you could never become their lover.
Why are so many of us choosing our partners thinking that we are falling in love only to have it blow up in our face? We can blame it all on Mother Nature! She is great at making sure we produce and survive as a species, but she is less concerned about a lasting relationship.
Caution: Mother nature tricked you into thinking that chemical attraction is love.
There is a way to stop Mother Nature and regroup to connect with the right people that are more your match.
Four Step Formula to Decide Who Should I Date
1. Try on people who are not your type. Women if you only find yourselves open to men who are over 6’, why not check out some guys that are 5’8” and see what happens? Men, if you find you only like women with a certain type of body, try being open to a different range of bodies and see what happens.
2. Go Slow. Instead of jumping in before you know someone, take a little time to get to know them before deciding if you are right for each other.
Men: If you find yourself wanting to move the relationship along physically before you know her…ask yourself if you are only physically attracted to her. This could take 3-5 dates, but will save a lot of time, energy and resources in the future. Caution: Chemical attraction by itself is the number reason men get used by women.
Women: If you find yourself planning a future or thinking about having his babies before you even get to know him, pump the breaks. Slow it down a little and make sure you get to know who he really is to judge whether you are a match or not. Caution: Too much chemical attraction leads to women being mistreated by players.
3. Second Look. Instead of putting someone into the Friend Zone immediately, give them a chance to unfold and reveal who they are.
Women: Take a little time to get to know them and see if their physical attraction grows on you and if he is winning you over. Tip: Most women end up marrying this guy!
Men:Stop deciding that you are not enough for her before you get to know her better. You could be sorting yourself out with misinformation and missing out on a great woman. Many men give up just when they were about to win her over.Tip: These are the women that years later are wondering why that great catch would never make a move.
4. Who am I with them? Ask yourself if you are your better self when you are with them in your life? You can even ask your friends – do you like me with so and so? Your friends can be a good meter for if you are your best self with someone. If you are – green light! If you are not – you might want to reconsider if this is someone is Who You Should Date?
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