Why Do Couples Argue and What Can You Do About It?

Why Do Couples Argue

Have you found yourself thinking, we fight all of the time? None of us want to be in this sucky situation. You may even be contemplating breaking up.  The very thought of this makes your stomach knot up.

After all, this is the person that you thought was the one and that used to make you happy!

But…we have good news!  There is a secret to ending the arguments.  Keep Reading.

You Can Solve 70% of All Relationship Problems with This Secret to Ending Arguments

Why do couples argue all of the time?  Ain’t nobody got time for that!

What if you and your partner are not the problem here?

What if the problem is the gap between men and women and it is wreaking havoc on your love life?  Aren’t most arguments misunderstandings?

Men and women look at things differently.  We have found the solution to bridging this gap and doing it with respect.

At the root of every argument is conflict.

We can boil conflict down to one simple thing:  you are not agreeing with me.

How Most People Handle Conflict 

  • Kicking and screaming (Throwing a fit, criticizing or complaining)
  • Avoid (Fade or Melt) this is avoiding the problem all together.  The main concern about this is that the problem is still there and tends to grow over time becoming worse.
  • Confrontation (Full onslaught or Straight at you!) This is the person that just hits you up side your head with their opinion and demands.  While they may temporarily get their way due to being pushy, things are usually undermined in the long run because the other person experiences being mowed over.

We have this friend that was very angry at her husband.  She thought that he was just an ass hole all of the time and did not care.  Their daughter was feeling a sharp pain in her chest while exercising.  At first the pain would come and go, but it started getting much worse and became really scary.

She decided to take her daughter to the doctor, only to have her husband criticize her for running to the doctor for every little thing.

She went into confrontation and full onslaught with him on this and could not believe that he did not care for his daughter.

It turned into an ugly argument.

Stepping back, she paused.  After taking a deep breath she asked him why he had said what he did.

His answer was:  “I spent about 2 hours on the computer and after speaking to one of my friends about this who is a physicians assistant.  I think it is costochondritis and due to her exercising so much and a possible virus.  You can take her, but I am willing to bet that this is what it is.

She took her daughter to the doctor and yes…it was costochondritis.

No longer angry at her husband, she recognized that he did care.  With both of their actions, their daughter was well taken care of.

She wishes that she would have paused first and asked him why he did not want her to go to the doctor instead of exploding and starting an argument that never needed to happen.

Conflict doesn’t have to be so bad or threatening.  It doesn't have to result in an argument.

Conflict is natural because we will not agree with our partner all of the time.

There are two results that happen with conflict.  You pick.  You can have a peaceful resolution or an argument.  Your choice.  It takes two to argue, you don't have to participate in an argument.

The love that you deserve and want is waiting for you on the other side of conflict. 

The Secret of Ending Arguments

1 – Stay calm and listen: No need to defend yourself right away. Just listen! What is behind what your partner is saying?  Keep your calm and maintain your personal power.

2 – Create partnership: This isn't just about your viewpoint, this is about your relationship.  If you were the other person, how would you feel or what would you think?

3 – The power of agreeing: Agree with them to the point that you can consider their point of view! “Yes, I can see your point of view!” This does not mean that you have to agree with what they are saying, just acknowledge that you can see their point of view.

4 – Never allow disrespect: No one deserves it. If one person in the conversation is extremely angry, politely remove yourself from the confrontation and regroup. More will be accomplished when everyone is handling their emotions or temper.

5 – Take responsibility for your part: If you are wrong, apologize and to make it right!

6 – Making an Agreement: Find an agreement so that you both can win. Once created, each person has to be accountable to follow through with their end of the deal. Some people even choose to write out the deal and sign it. Both parties have to commit to the deal or there is not a deal.

When you put an end to arguments, you and your partner can get back to making each other happy.

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Share this article with your partner and friends and ask them what they think.

If you have other tips for dealing with conflict that work for you, we would love to hear from you.  Leave a comment below.