Why Is It So Hard to Find Someone to Date?

Why Is It So Hard To Find Someone To Date?

If you’re asking yourself “Why is it so hard to find someone to date?” we can show you how to overcome this dating challenge. It can appear like the good catches are taken when everyone you are meeting is divorced with drama, has kids (usually with drama!), not over their heartbreak or not even attractive. Regardless of what you’re experiencing there are lots of people who are finding quality matches and have success with dating. Do you want to know what they are doing that is different to be successful?


Overcome the Frustration “Why Is It So Hard to Find Someone to Date?” with the Reality of the Dating Pool Solution


Depending on your age and status, you are going to encounter different things in the dating pool that might have you asking yourself “why is it so hard to find someone to date?”  We often hear people complaining about their available options for dating and pining away for a different time in their life. While we can glance back at the past to learn and look forward to the future for possibility, let’s concentrate on the present and what we can do now to positively affect our future.

So what’s the problem?

We have lists and ideas about who we want our special someone to be. If we looked realistically at these lists or ideas are they even possible for another human being to live up to? Mr. or Ms. Perfect doesn’t just show up at our door except in the movies. Most people have baggage from past hurts, relationships and experiences.

We end up judging our choices as if we were all still young and just starting out with dating. We have had men that could lose some pounds criticize women if they needed to lose a few pounds. We have heard women speak of their “have to” list that includes over 20 different points that most men could never live up to.

We all have a dream of what our life will look like with our future partner, but we must remember that they have a dream too. Finding a good match for you may look a little different than what you originally thought it would be. Just be open and pause before you judge that potential date too quickly.

Wouldn’t you rather be with your partner and in love than to have unrealistic expectations on potential partners, cut off possibility and be alone?

So what do you have to be willing to do?

We heard a fun story this week about a woman who went on 99 first dates to meet the man she is now in love with 3 years and counting. We don’t believe that everyone has to go on 99 dates, but the point of the story is that she kept dating until she found her man! Was every date enjoyable? No! She just knew that to find someone that she was a match with, she had to keep dating. The bad dates did not get her down or cause her to stop because she knew to expect some bad dates.

We may get overwhelmed at the thought of going on 99 first dates, but think about it: she did it one date at a time which is not so overwhelming. She went out with a lot of different types of men and even dated men who were not her type.  Always being polite, she never led anyone on if she didn’t think they were a match. At this point do you think she even cares that it took 99 dates? No! She has her man now and is happy!

What happens if you keep dating and don’t give up? You will eventually find someone who is a match for you. 

We tried to help a woman last year who was very frustrated about how her dating life was working. The first thing she asked when she met us was “Why is it so hard to find someone to date?” She was not happy with who was asking her out and the guys she liked never asked her out.  Wanting to have the same results she enjoyed before she got married when she was much younger and more attractive, she was not able to recognize or accept the reality of the dating pool now. Everyone is older and possibly divorced too. Sadly, she gave up and is still single! If you don’t date, your chances of finding someone are slim to none. Don’t let this happen to you!

People who succeed with dating have one thing in common. They have accepted the reality of the dating pool and instead of asking “Why is it so hard to find someone to date?” they have armed themselves for the good and the bad experiences so they can keep dating until they meet someone who is a good match. We’re certainly not implying that you will have to go on 99 dates to find the person for you, but you should expect that anyone might need to get to know or date at least 20-40 different people to meet someone who you are a match with.


How to Be Armed for the Reality of the Dating Pool:


Accept the Reality of the Dating Pool – 4 Types of People You May Encounter:

  • Good Catches: People with a few bumps and bruises from life. They may not be rocking the looks they had when they were younger but they honestly want a relationship and are good people.
  • Walking Wounded:  People who are so wounded that they can’t see that they are not ready to date until they get healed. These people will act quickly to defend themselves and even say or do hurtful things if they feel intimidated or rejected. It can take a little time to sort these ones out from the Good Catches. Never take their actions personally. Be responsible for you and understand that hurt people will hurt other people. Don’t allow it.
  • Players/Users:  People who are angry at the other sex and are only out for their own needs. Players: Are they only pushing for sex and not willing to provide anything else? UsersAre they always taking and not giving?
  • Heartbreakers:  People who just go for the hunt or chase only to get you and then drop you. These types of people will have affairs and just use people. Manipulation or guilt will be how they may try to get what they want from you.

Be prepared to meet all of these types of people. It is just expected. Don’t give up on finding someone to date because of negative encounters with the Walking Wounded, Players/Users or the Heartbreakers. Your main purpose is to sort through these people until you find that good catch. Don’t allow how someone else is to affect the way you view yourself.  Be responsible for yourself and understand that other people have issues. If you are being polite and fair to those that you are dating, you are doing your part.

Get Real About Yourself:

  • Take some time to really look at yourself and be honest about the bumps and bruises you likely come with.
  • Is there work you need to do to heal some wounds or baggage?  Do it!

Take It Slow and Sort for the Right reasons:

In order to succeed in the reality of the dating pool you need to take it slow (check out our The Power of The Pause Dating Technique) and sort people for the right reasons. This allows you to sort out everyone who is not a potential Good Catch without getting too involved.

Succeeding with dating is possible, it just takes a little dose of reality and a little preparation for the Reality of the Dating Pool.

Do you know someone who has dropped out of dating or is really frustrated with the people they are meeting? Share this article with them and let them know you have their back in finding love.

We’d love to hear your dating stories and what you are doing to make it work for you. Please leave us a comment below.